I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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