brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
