oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
