So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
