Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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