new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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