you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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