Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
