you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
