the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
