he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
