There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
