I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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