How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
