Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
