There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
