he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We had sex on a dog bed..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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