good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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