someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
