Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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