at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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