Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
