When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
