Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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