Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
