you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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