before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
