We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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