I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
