That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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