it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
my liver is dry heaving
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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