Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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