Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
