The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
