they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
