Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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