I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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