If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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