so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
