How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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