The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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