i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
