I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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