you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
