Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
