I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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