The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
