So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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