My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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