i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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